Old PM's Depress Me

Cleaned out my PM box on a forum. Can't believe it was almost full. It was only sent pm's though that I deleted and don't think it was all of them. The board lost the other pm's about a year ago when they switched owners and whatever and somehow these pm's I sent got put in my inbox upon the switch. It would've been nice to read the ones people actually sent to me again before I lost those though. Anyway I don't think it was even all my sent pm's because I'm sure I sent much more then that. But nonetheless it was interesting to read them. I'm sad to say that I don't even remember most of the people I was pm'ing with back then. Did searches on the forums for them, only one is still around and they're using a new name. But of course the others could still be around on new names too and just not have said who they used to be.

Anyway they have this thing on the forum now where you can just click a check box next to each PM and download them to a text file so I did that because I really hate throwing stuff away even online. I never delete emails or anything like that unless I have no choice but to. But I still don't have alot of my old emails and stuff because I used to have webtv and use their email and then when they terminated it for non payment I lost everything. Wish I'd forwarded them all to another account but I guess now it would've been a waste if I had as at the time all I'd had for second accounts was yahoo and hotmail and I stupidly went 6 months without signing into both years later and lost everything. I thought my mom would eventually be able to pay that webtv bill though and get it back, never happened though LOL.

Anyway I rarely go back and read stuff because it always depresses me, but its still nice to have the option to. It felt weird seeing stuff I'd written from as far back as 2003-2005, things were very different for me then. Felt kinda depressed when I read one where I said I'd met this great guy online (my last ex) and how I was so happy. And other one where I was apologizing to this one person for not being on IM when I said I would be because my friend came over. Its somewhat hard for me to believe that I once had somewhat of a life. And I can't believe I don't even remember the person I was sending those pm's too, they seemed like someone I'd been knowing online for a while.

Speaking of keeping stuff, I wanna delete my myspace but I don't wanna lose all the messages from my sister that I have saved on there (we communicated though myspace not email) Anyway I could just copy and paste them to word pad and save but meh seems too much trouble. I just wanna delete my myspace so that she can't ever contact me again.....well that and so no one I used to know can find me. I changed it so my real name shouldn't bring up my myspace but for some reason on social networking search sites my profile still comes up when I search my name. Ugh. And yes I search myself, I'm one of my favorite people to stalk LOL, well not really I just wanna make sure no ones saying bad stuff about me.

Anyway speaking of pm's whats with some people. This one person the other day got upset with me because I took long to reply back to a pm. Well long in his opinion. It had only been a day and he pm'd me again saying something about he didn't get why I seemed uninterested. I told him I'm not too good with pm's or email and gave him my msn so we could chat in real time. Then he replied back and seemed to be all upset at me saying how he wasn't good with real time chat and when he heard I liked cats he thought it'd be fun pm'ing me and that since I had SA I'd be like him and be better at emails/pm's and that it was rather disappointing. Anyway I replied back and explained to him that I am better at im's because I overthink emails/pm's, IM's on the other hand don't give me as long to think and in my case the more I think the more I put off replying so I'm better with IMs. Since he didn't seem interested in pming me unless I replied quicker I told him to let me know if he changed his mind about IMing. He pm'd me back today saying "sorry to have disturbed you and caused you so much stress, take care." which kinda pissed me off because he didn't really cause me any stress he just annoyed me and from his previous replies I'd say he was the one stressed over it. Anyway the last time I was hoping someone awesome had pm'd me and wanted to chat was annoying for it just to be that...now that is disappointing. I just replied back "ditto" lol.

But anyway I don't mind pm'ing or email really it just takes me a few days to reply...but if people are gonna expect quicker replies and be upset when they don't get them they really need to swallow their fears and start using an instant messaging program. But besides that heres part of what I said in my post where I was looking for friends:

"I'd prefer someone good at 1-1 conversation...most of the time with people I feel I'm carrying the whole conversation. But I need someone that doesn't mind if I take a few minutes to reply at times, because I usually am playing wow while on IM lol. Anyway even if you aren't good at conversation its ok. I use msn messenger and don't have aim or yahoo"

So I sure don't know how this person came to the conclusion that I was looking more for email/pm friends then people to chat with. Of course maybe they contacted me because they knew I liked cats and they never saw that post...but then they said in their pm that they thought I was looking for people to talk to so I don't know.

Heh theres actually a topic on the forums about over analyzing things...thats so me. This really doesn't matter that much but I tend to over analyze everything I do that has some form of social action.