New Guild and Wow Stuff

Thanks to everyone who voted on my poll =) Wish I knew who my other "friend" was that voted the friend option, as I only know who 3 of those votes are from. Ones me cause I'm my own best friend! Yay me! The other 2 I know who they are because they told me.

And yes maybe there should've been an option to vote neutral, but I didn't think anyone could really be neutral after reading me. Not to sound conceited or anything but people usually either like me or dislike me (usually dislike lol). I have such strong opinions on most things and I'm so outspoken (especially online) that I don't think theres too many people who are neutral when it comes to me. Ah well I'll keep neutral in mind for when I redo this poll in a couple months.

So the new guild I mentioned. I like and dislike different things about it. What I like is that they're good players and interested in doing achievements. Some of them helped me get the achievements in heroic HOS. So yay I never have to run that place again :D And went with another guildy to get an achievement in heroic nexus earlier. Everyone in this guild so far seems to know how to play their class...which is more then I can say for my last guild lol.

What I dislike is...well tbh I kinda dislike most of their personalitys. Being in vent with these people is kinda like being at a frat party. They drink, they cuss and they're loud. Especially this one girl. God shes so.......hyper. But thats not the worst of it. They're kinda mean. Not to me or each other though. Actually I guess mean wouldn't be the right word because they never say anything to the persons toon. But they seem to enjoy talking crap about other players in the raid (who aren't guildys)in vent.

For example, we ran nax 10 the other day and they pugged somebody. This somebody is actually from my last guild, and I know he's not the best player, but he's not bad at all, he just had never done some of those fights before. Anyway he didn't know what to do and I probably should've explained it to him but I was in a pissy mood and thought the raid leader would, they didn't :/ He wasn't in vent and they were making fun of him on it saying stuff like "bet he's like omg what is this huge ass dragon omg omg" Anyway I can't really explain it well but they were really loud and stuff, also they told him to just die over in a corner. We wiped a few times and they blamed him. Finally we got the boss down and on last try he knew what to do. Someone was like "aww he moved" (they wanted him to die) and the only person other then me who wasn't making fun of him said "well maybe someone wanted to be nice and explain it to him chill". Anyway it makes me worry...if I mess up will they make fun of me later when I'm not around? :( Probably.

Anyway speaking of wow, I got my friend a free trial. I hope he subscribes we can level toons together. You get triple xp from the refer a friend thing :D He's such a copycat though, he rolled a druid AND a lock. Which is my 2 highest chars lol. Anyway if he subscribes for a month I get a month free :D And if he subscribes for 2 months I get the zherva mount. Which imo is the 2nd coolest mount in the game. It'd be so cool to run around riding a zebra lol :D So I gots to make sure he likes playing wow enough to subscribe. Because if he doesn't I don't get a zebra mount :( Hmph..they should give me one just for referring somebody! Plus it'd be cool to have someone to play with at times other then in a raid or instance. My one wow friend and I rarely group together anymore.

Please Vote :)

Added a poll because I wanna know whose visiting :) Please vote!

Blog

Changed my blog look, hope you all like :)

Wow Stuff and Online Friends

I joined another guild already. This ones new, just formed like 2 weeks ago. Not sure how much I'll like it, but giving it a try. One thing I already dislike is their "No pugging" rule. I think they might be a bit too uncasual for me. They have less then 30 members too, and I'm the only druid so far. But on the bright side I've grouped with alot of the members before and they seem pretty alright. The person who invited me in says they're focused on achievements too so thats a plus. They raid late at nights too like 12 am server. Which is usually good for me, and a plus because this way I can watch my tv shows when they're on rather then having to download them.

Also I've made some new online friends in the past few weeks. Only 1 seems to be a decent conversationalist though and I think the others are ignoring me. I only got a few replies to my "looking for misanthropic people to talk to" thread. 1 was that guy I mentioned before that wanted to PM and got all upset that I wanted to talk on MSN. The other was a guy who I talked to 2 or 3 times and never heard from again. I'll give it more time before I start to think he's ignoring me for sure because it hasn't been that long yet. The other though...I used to be friends with him on AIM years ago and he was a bit of a jerk to me back then and always used to try to change my mind and convince me people weren't that bad. So the first time or 2 he contacted me recently I just ignored it. Then he sent me another 1 a few days ago asking why I was ignoring him. So I replied and said something like "Didn't we used to talk years ago and not really get along? Also Tbh I'm really only looking for misanthropic people to talk to." Then he replied back saying something like "I know how I was back then but I've changed and am more like you now I think" And said he'd really like to talk to me. I wasn't sure if I believed him or not but I agreed to talk to him and sent him my msn. That was a few days ago now, and he's not added me yet still. Makes me wonder what he wanted it for, hope he's not signing me up for spam or crap.

Speaking of friends...my one online friend who I've known since late 2005 recently moved from CA to Ohio to move back in with his parents because he'd been unemployed for a time and ran out of money to live alone in LA. :( Anyway he's pretty much the only online friend I talk to regularly and have kept for more then a year or two. But he mentioned us meeting one day once he gets a car. I was like cool but isn't Ohio like 8 hours away from me...come to find out its only 3 hours away. While I kinda would like to meet him someday theres a few problems. The one being that he doesn't know half of how bad my SA is, the other being my crappy sense of directions, he'll expect me to show him around or something...and I leave the house so little that I really won't know my way around, plus even if I did leave the house I wouldn't know because I have like no sense of direction. It will probably be at least a year or 2 before he can even afford a car (he doesn't have a job yet even) but still, just thinking about it causes my SA to act up.

Quit My Guild

I quit my guild 2 days ago. Reason I quit was because one of the raid leaders, I'll call him O for obnoxious was being a total jerk to me.

Basically we got into this huge argument of which he started supposedly just because I brought up privately to him during the run that someone elses dps was too low for the run. I'll call the player whose dps was too low B for baddie. I only brought it up because in the beginning of the run he was gonna have me and a few other dps roll for a spot against this player.

Also he had this 1 player, whose dps is on par with mine as balance be exempt from rolling. My gear score was actually higher then this person that was being exempt from rolling. So I mentioned in raid "how come A isn't having to roll...my gear score is higher then his" Because it wasn't fair. So then after a bunch of quiet and waiting a while he said "A do you mind rolling?" A didn't wanna roll but he had all the dps roll anyway. A, B and me rolled highest and so got to stay. the 2 other dps were O and another raid leader that were also of course both exempt from rolling, even though we only needed 1 raid leader especially since it was a 10 man.

I noticed during the run B's dps was rather low, lower then the tanks even. This player B, I have grouped with him in raids before and his dps is always this bad. He doesn't play his spec well and he also still has 3 or 4 blues, which you should have betetr then if you wanna do uldaur. I mentioned it to the raid leader during the raid because I figured he must not know or have realized this otherwise he would've had this person sit out rather then roll for a spot with us. But he did know and he got mad and said something like "Don't bring that crap up to me". Then I was like "....." And he said "I watch recount too." So I'm thinking to myself, if thats true then why wasn't this person made to sit out. Since you claim to chose who gets to go by their gear and dps. But I didn't say anything then.

After the run O whispered me and was like "Are you busy, can I talk to you for a minute?" I was trying to get a run going for some heroics so I said "sure I'm just trying to find a group for some heroics" Then he's like "well can you wait I'd like to talk to you". I agreed, which I wish I hadn't. Because it turned into over an hour of arguing with him and resulted in me quitting the guild.

I don't know why the hell he had such an over reaction to me saying everyone should roll or to me pointing out to him B's low dps. But he flew off the handle. He basically told me that my dps wasn't that good either (which I'll admit it wasn't that great but it wasn't below the others by more then 1%...B's was below the others by more then 5% and below the tanks as well.) I said to him well I kept up on dps with the others I wasn't that far behind, nothing like B's and plus I still have some 10 man nax gear". Then he goes well if you still have 10 man gear you shouldn't be in uldaur...I'm like well if I can keep up with the other people who are in 25 man gear why not shouldn't I, skill should count for something. Then I'm like well my dps and gear score are both higher then B's, I was just saying if you're gonna go by gear scores like you had said you were doing then why was he allowed to roll with us and also why was at first A exempt from having to roll when A's score and dps are both unpar with mine and in fact A's gear score is lower then mine. O also said "I shouldn't have changed it and had A roll that was my mistake" I was like "wtf" And told him if A doesn't have to roll I find that unfair.

Basically he argued with me for over an hour and he was more stubborn then a mule and I couldn't get him to see how unfair he was being and that he was blowing everything way out of proportion. I can't even remember everything he said to me...he was a huge jerk though.

He also kept insisting my gearscore was lower then it was. I kept saying thats not right I must be in pvp gear or something. So he fucking invited me to a group and made me come to where he was and inspected each piece I had on and insisted it was right. Then like 10 minutes later he goes "oh my bad I didn't realize you had a lance on in the wow-heros profile so I'll add 213 to your score". I said I told you it was higher. He said well you said you were in pvp gear. I'm like no I said maybe I was, I just knew it wasn't right. Geez maybe he could've at least reloaded the damn page when I said it was wrong because I was on the more current one of it which was my correct score, I know because I reloaded it myself. Fucking moron.

He also accused me of being selfish when I said well since my feral dps is so higher I could go as feral and still roll main on balance. (I was trying to work out a compromise with this SOB). Then he said I was being selfish for wanting to gear up 2 dps specs. And that I was already geared very well as feral and it was selfish to gear up another dps spec. I was so pissed off when he said that that I couldn't think of that great of a response. Now yes my feral dps is alot more then my balance dps but my feral dps is also alot more then anyone else in the guilds dps. Usually its over 2% more then the next highest person! As feral I'm num 1 in nearly every fight. When I'm not num 1 its because I either died or was busy with non dps stuff like add duty or trying to find someone that died and rez them or backup healing. So basically as feral I was fucking carrying all of them. So he should talk.

He also said that I would be taking away from other people who needed the gear. Now yes I am geared as feral but 95% of my feral gear I got from non guild runs. 90% or more of the rest of the guild doesn't even try to gear up outside of guild runs. If we don't do a guild nax 25 for the week they just don't go, and 99% of them never do voa. So it's not like I took gear from the other players as feral and then decided to roll for balance stuff. And even with my balance gear I have geared up 95% or wait more like 99% for that on non guild runs. I still have like 4 10 man things for balance (rings and trinkets)but I've filled out every other thing from pug runs. So for him to act like I'm being selfish is laughable. Also he has an alt that he runs with and is gearing that up on guild runs at times. So what about the gear he is taking away from the people who would need it for their mains huh? What a hypocrite!

Then he started going off topic talking crap about me and saying I had a poor attitude and needed to let things go. I'm like wtf...you're the one that started this exchange, I had no intention of saying a thing after the run. He said crap about how I annoy people by always asking if we can do achievements. I said "I only ask once and I don't push it when people say no". He said "Well if a raid leader thinks we can do it he'll bring it up and you acted upset when we said no to the 4 horsemen achievement" I said "umm no I didn't I just said "aww :(" I was disappointed not upset" And I told him he and whoever else had a problem with me suggesting we try for achievements needed to lighten the fuck up. (I left the fuck part out lol). And he told me I needed to drop it then! I'm like wtf dude you're the one that brought it up it don't upset me if we don't try them. I also told him that if I didn't suggest it we wouldn't have learned how to do flame levi the easy way. He had the nerve to suggest that he didn't try it because of my suggestion but because he learned that from the other guild he was running with a few weeks ago! I was like well funny then that you learned it long before we started uldaur yet you never tried it until the day I suggested it. If he knew it was the easier way before I suggested it then he would've tried it before then. Fucking liar just trying to save face.

He also mentioned about how I don't wanna go on runs unless we try the achivments. Which is true for 5 mans. But so the fuck what, theres plenty of other people who need emblems from 5 mans that are willing to go...I don't need emblems. And I've been trying forever to get guild runs for heroic achievement runs, yet nobody ever is willing to help me with them. Yet I'm expected to help them with their heroic runs when they won't even attempt the achievements for me?? I've been trying for months now to find people to help me get these achievements done. I wanted the damn mount but no one cared. The mount will probably be removed soon too, the raiding achievement one was removed already. Then he said "well you do it for 10 mans too" Anyway I told him if I was needed I'd have gone on those runs but if theres alot of people wanting to go and we're not trying for achievements then I sit out. It makes fucking sense that someone else that needs gear should go instead of me if they're not doing the achievements.

Anyway the only person he mentioned specifically other then himself as being upset was another raid leader. Who I know was immature enough once to open a fake portal over the wintergrasp one which tricked a few people, me included into taking it and ending up in fucking dustmallow marsh.

And speaking of sitting out, I actually sat out on last weeks run. So that others wouldn't have to...think I mentioned that before. Actually it might've been 2 weeks ago since last week I don't think we did uldaur 10. But anyway I sat out on last guild uldaur 10 run. So would think that it would mean that this week I got to go. But noooooooo I still had to roll for a spot. O asked if anyone was willing to sit out too and nobody said a thing. Selfish SOBs, I would've offered to myself if I hadn't sat out last run. And I never even got a thank you from the person that got to go because of me sitting out last week either. Such rude, selfish people. Like every fucking other person out there.

Eventually I realized it was pointless arguing with him. I tried to close the conversation but then he's like "you can't go as balance on my runs anymore." Which he'd also said a few other times in the conversation. I kept saying I'm fine with going as balance and rolling with the people who are similar to my dps/gear as balance for a spot, so long as you're fair and people like A who have lower gear scores and similar dps to me aren't exempt from rolling". But he didn't care he told me I was going as balance and that was that. I couldn't change his mind or make him see how wrong or unfair he was being and the whole exchange was giving me a huge headache. So I just explained what happened in guild. Basically I said "ok O is telling me I can't go on runs anymore as balance so I don't think this is the right guild for me anymore, good luck all." Then I guild quit before anyone really said anything except saw O say "thats correct" before I quit.

Got a bunch of tells after I quit. People seemed sad. I explained it to them the best I could. Got another one today too. The GM and none of the officers sent me any though...guess they most likely agree with O. :(

I'm worried now that he twisted the story to make me look bad. He was definatly the one in the wrong...but people like him, they're good at convincing others they're in the right.

Deadbeat Parents And The Morons Who Think It's Ok.

Thread on SAS earlier made me possibly hate humanity even more then I already did. It sickens me that so many guys there think if a man doesn't want kids he shouldn't be forced to help support one should he get someone pregnant. I like how none of them could even give a good reason or reply with anything even halfway intelligent. Especially this one jerk who just chose to insult me and my intelligence because he obviously couldn't come up with a defense for his position.

So many men (and women too) need to learn to keep their damn pants on if they don't ever want a child. If you wanna have sex either get married or at least be in a long term relationship with the person. If you want to have casual sex you're more then likely a moron, because sex can never be casual, you always have some risk, be it stds, chance of pregnancy or even a lover of theirs finding out and taking revenge. Condoms are NOT 100% effective, nor is birth control, even using both is no guarantee.

Casual sex is alot less bad however if both partners 1. Aren't sleeping with anyone else at the time or if they are sleeping with others they are being upfront with all partners and all partners are ok with this slutting around and 2. They have discussed and agreed upon with their partner what would happen should an accidental pregnancy occur.

Also people can still change their mind and decide they do want the child, so you're still at risk, which is something you just should have to accept if you chose to have sex. If a man (or women) doesn't want to pay up to help support this child too freaking bad, they should've though of that before they had sex. No way in hell should some innocent child have to go without just because 2 people couldn't control their urges. The child will already be going without enough by having a biological parent who doesn't want to be an active part of their life they shouldn't have to suffer more by financially going without.

I mostly don't approve of abortion for similar reasons but that would be a different topic...BUT if one of the 2 parents decides they want that baby it should without a doubt be born. This means I also think if a guy gets a women pregnant and she doesn't want it tests should be done to determine paternity, then she should be forced to carry to term and pay child support when the baby comes. Unless its rape in which case the guy should obviously have zero say.

Old PM's Depress Me

Cleaned out my PM box on a forum. Can't believe it was almost full. It was only sent pm's though that I deleted and don't think it was all of them. The board lost the other pm's about a year ago when they switched owners and whatever and somehow these pm's I sent got put in my inbox upon the switch. It would've been nice to read the ones people actually sent to me again before I lost those though. Anyway I don't think it was even all my sent pm's because I'm sure I sent much more then that. But nonetheless it was interesting to read them. I'm sad to say that I don't even remember most of the people I was pm'ing with back then. Did searches on the forums for them, only one is still around and they're using a new name. But of course the others could still be around on new names too and just not have said who they used to be.

Anyway they have this thing on the forum now where you can just click a check box next to each PM and download them to a text file so I did that because I really hate throwing stuff away even online. I never delete emails or anything like that unless I have no choice but to. But I still don't have alot of my old emails and stuff because I used to have webtv and use their email and then when they terminated it for non payment I lost everything. Wish I'd forwarded them all to another account but I guess now it would've been a waste if I had as at the time all I'd had for second accounts was yahoo and hotmail and I stupidly went 6 months without signing into both years later and lost everything. I thought my mom would eventually be able to pay that webtv bill though and get it back, never happened though LOL.

Anyway I rarely go back and read stuff because it always depresses me, but its still nice to have the option to. It felt weird seeing stuff I'd written from as far back as 2003-2005, things were very different for me then. Felt kinda depressed when I read one where I said I'd met this great guy online (my last ex) and how I was so happy. And other one where I was apologizing to this one person for not being on IM when I said I would be because my friend came over. Its somewhat hard for me to believe that I once had somewhat of a life. And I can't believe I don't even remember the person I was sending those pm's too, they seemed like someone I'd been knowing online for a while.

Speaking of keeping stuff, I wanna delete my myspace but I don't wanna lose all the messages from my sister that I have saved on there (we communicated though myspace not email) Anyway I could just copy and paste them to word pad and save but meh seems too much trouble. I just wanna delete my myspace so that she can't ever contact me again.....well that and so no one I used to know can find me. I changed it so my real name shouldn't bring up my myspace but for some reason on social networking search sites my profile still comes up when I search my name. Ugh. And yes I search myself, I'm one of my favorite people to stalk LOL, well not really I just wanna make sure no ones saying bad stuff about me.

Anyway speaking of pm's whats with some people. This one person the other day got upset with me because I took long to reply back to a pm. Well long in his opinion. It had only been a day and he pm'd me again saying something about he didn't get why I seemed uninterested. I told him I'm not too good with pm's or email and gave him my msn so we could chat in real time. Then he replied back and seemed to be all upset at me saying how he wasn't good with real time chat and when he heard I liked cats he thought it'd be fun pm'ing me and that since I had SA I'd be like him and be better at emails/pm's and that it was rather disappointing. Anyway I replied back and explained to him that I am better at im's because I overthink emails/pm's, IM's on the other hand don't give me as long to think and in my case the more I think the more I put off replying so I'm better with IMs. Since he didn't seem interested in pming me unless I replied quicker I told him to let me know if he changed his mind about IMing. He pm'd me back today saying "sorry to have disturbed you and caused you so much stress, take care." which kinda pissed me off because he didn't really cause me any stress he just annoyed me and from his previous replies I'd say he was the one stressed over it. Anyway the last time I was hoping someone awesome had pm'd me and wanted to chat was annoying for it just to be that...now that is disappointing. I just replied back "ditto" lol.

But anyway I don't mind pm'ing or email really it just takes me a few days to reply...but if people are gonna expect quicker replies and be upset when they don't get them they really need to swallow their fears and start using an instant messaging program. But besides that heres part of what I said in my post where I was looking for friends:

"I'd prefer someone good at 1-1 conversation...most of the time with people I feel I'm carrying the whole conversation. But I need someone that doesn't mind if I take a few minutes to reply at times, because I usually am playing wow while on IM lol. Anyway even if you aren't good at conversation its ok. I use msn messenger and don't have aim or yahoo"

So I sure don't know how this person came to the conclusion that I was looking more for email/pm friends then people to chat with. Of course maybe they contacted me because they knew I liked cats and they never saw that post...but then they said in their pm that they thought I was looking for people to talk to so I don't know.

Heh theres actually a topic on the forums about over analyzing things...thats so me. This really doesn't matter that much but I tend to over analyze everything I do that has some form of social action.

I want everyone to be miserable hehe

So found out my last ex quit his guild of which he was the gm of and quit wow too. He also deleted his twitters, both his guilds and his own along with deleting his guilds website. His own website is still up though. He doesn't mention quitting his guild or why he quit but it shows his last few twitter updates on there and his last one said that he was helping his fiancee move in tomorrow and there was no longer anything about him playing wow on his site under where it said interests. Sigh bet that he quit because he was finally bored of wow and wanted to spend more time with her. Was hoping he quit because he had a falling out with his guildys. Well guess I'll never know what happened. Anyway I checked his realm forums and his guild is recruiting with a new guild website up now. I really really hope he had a falling out with them. Also hope his relationship with his fiancee crumbles before they get married. Would be so awesome if he ended up completely miserable. I found out through googling his sn name months ago that he was with a different girl before her and very shortly after him and I broke up. They had an online relationship for a while then he moved to be with her, he met her first online in wow. It was probably the girl I was soooo jealous of when him and I were together because he always chose to group with her over me in wow. She dumped him a few months after he moved to be with her, reading that made me soooo happy. Karma :D hehehe. And hopefully this relationship now won't last either. I want him to be alone and miserable and regret mistreating me because I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he'll never find anyone as awesome as me again. No I'd never take him back I just don't want him, or anybody who treated me badly before to be happy. Other peoples misery, especially that of people who hurt me before thrills me to no end, makes me giddy :D Was also happy when I found out before my best friend that I knew since childhood broke up with his bf and when I ruined one of his friendships years after I found out about all the lies (think I wrote about him in the beginning of my diary):D Anyway I was even happy when I found out someone online who had been rude to me before broke up with her bf, or rather he broke up with her and was rather mean to her. Even though I've talked to her bf before and know he's worse then her so I'm hoping he's miserable too. Anyway I love it when bad things happen to bad people lol...and since most people are bad that means I usually love when bad things happen to people.

Anyway speaking of people...one of my online friends told me last night that he cut off contact with a girl he met online and met in person a few times because he didn't see the point in being friends with someone he didn't see in person. So I was like am I next then and he said "Maybe but you have SA too so maybe not." So I was all quiet after that and now I'm not sure what to do, thinking maybe I should cut him off first. Not that it matters a ton to me cause its not someone I got really close to but still whenever something like that happens my feelings are always hurt a little.

New Season Of Big Brother

New Big Brother season started a few days ago. This one seems good so far. Not that I think reality tv is that great but its alright. I certainly prefer shows like Lost though. Can't believe I have to wait till January for the new Lost /cry

But anyway this new Big Brother started and this time they're having them play as cliques. If one of that clique wins HOH then none of that clique can be nominated for eviction that week. Theres the popular clique, the athetletic clique, the smart clique and the offbeat clique and each startd with 3 people. And when they did the first HOH compition they had a twist where whoever won would win for their clique and not get HOH themselves but get an extra member for their clique from a past bb season. They had Jessie (BB10 - Athlete), Cowboy (BB5 Off-Beat), Jessica (BB9 - Popular), and Brian (BB10 - Brains). Unfortunatly the athletes won so cocky ass Jesse got back in the house and was the first HOH. I guess its not too bad, maybe he'll stir up some drama and thats always good to watch (just hope he doesn't win!). But I was rooting for Brian he's such a cutie and he got voted off first last season. And IMO smart guys>muscular jocks. Plus I wanted the brains to win the first HOH and have an extra member. If not them I'd hoped for the offbeat clique to win. I hope this show doesn't end up like rl where the populars and the jocks end up walking away with it all. /sigh

Furby

I had a dream again last night about Furby. Its like the 5th or 6th dream I've had of her this year. Like the other ones she was reborn as a kitten in it. In the first few she was a white kitten. In the last 2 she was a black and white kitten. In this last one last night she was a male kitten, black and white, and the smallest in her litter.

I can't help but wonder if theres something to these dreams, like shes trying to send me a message that shes been reborn or will be reborn and wants me to look for her. Shes always unhappy in the dreams at first but then happy when I find her. Its odd because she died 4 or 5 years ago and I've only just been recently (the past 6 months) been having these dreams. I'm worried if they are a message that she's mad or gonna get mad at me for not finding her :( I feel like I should be looking at least but with this damn SA and not having left the house in over 9 months well. I 1. wouldn't know where to look and 2. I have no transpo to go anywhere. 3. my mom is dead set against any cats now. /sigh and 4. Think I'm crazy for believing these dreams could be messages.

Maybe they're really just dreams and nothing to them. But its weird because it usually happens on nights when I haven't really been thinking of her and why now years after her death and why always about her returning as a kitten, why not about her living as she was a grey and white cat? Anyway if they are some kind of message I hope she is born to a litter as a stray very very near my apartment or near my moms work and my mom somehow has a change of heart and brings her home. I just hope I find her if she has been reincarnated already.

Too nice...and regreted it as always :(

I think I'm too nice sometimes. Or I worry too much about making people angry at me. Or maybe a little of both. Yesterday in wow I sat out on the uldaur 10 run. I didn't need any feral gear off the first few bosses (which are all we can down) so I was going to main roll on balance gear (the leader said I could) but we had like 15 people who wanted to go. The leader said my spot was safe because I do really high dps and he was gonna have the 3 lowest dps in the run /roll for which of them got to go. I felt bad and like since my feral gear is already mostly best in slot stuff or near that that I should sit out...so I said to him "i'll roll with them to be fair" and I didn't roll one of the 2 highest so I left raid.

In some ways I feel like I did the right thing but.....its not something I'll ever do again. I didn't even get a damn thank you from the person who got to go in my place. It pisses me off. Ungrateful fucker. And I also missed an achievement :( I didn't know they were gonna do hard mode. And you know what else I'm thinking now? Why should I be so nice to give up MY spot for someone like that and someone that doesn't work very hard to upgrade their gear outside of guild runs. I mean sure I do have awesome gear, I easily do 4k+ dps on fights in there which is over 500 more dps then the next highest...BUT I also got 95% of this gear outside of guild runs. I've worked hard on gearing up and shouldn't be sitting out because of it or feeling like I should sit out. And if I wanna collect balance gear I shouldn't feel bad about it. But I do. /sigh

Anyway on the bright side I organized and led an 8 man os run for the less is more achievement. And the other day I got the heroic safety dance achievement (we cheated and used an exploit lol). Maybe I can remember it for next time I do that boss. Can impress the raid with my awesome skills. Or kill everyone when I fail to remember where exactly the safe spot is lol.

Well, at least my birthday is over.

Well my birthday was yesterday. I was right about not getting anything. :( A few online people wished me a happy birthday though. Didn't do anything for my birthday or the 4th either. I'm not sure why people asked me or why they even ask me what I've been up to lately, I haven't left the house in over 8 months, and that isn't likely to change anytime soon, even if it is my birthday. Anyway I did nax 25 last night and pretty much nothing I needed dropped and the stuff that did I didn't win. Its like god, if there is one doesn't want me to even have 1 little thing. This was the worst birthday ever for sure. And also my father sent me a card....I'm returning to sender as always. Sorry but you didn't wanna be in my life when I was a child so now I don't want to be in yours. Too little, too late, and he needs to take the hint.

Anyway I'm 27 now. I wonder if I can still consider myself to be in mid 20s...when exactly is it that people stop saying mid 20s and start saying late 20s when referring to someones age?

In a Bad Mood

I'm in such a bad mood. My birthday is only 2 days away (the 5th) and thats part of it. I'm sure I won't do anything for my birthday, I haven't in years. It just sucks to be turning another year older and still not having found love or even friendship. I've only ever had people in my life who I thought loved me or thought were my friends but they always proved themselves to be jerks eventually. I'm still rather pissed about the last 2 actually...wish I could kill those bastards. Just as I hate all the others, 2 in particular from 2005. But I'd give anything to meet someone...anyone that didn't end up being a jerk, liar or user. But I don't think I ever will. 99.9% of human beings are just horrid :( I'm safer not trying to "win the lottery" and just keeping people at bay like I have been lately, I just hope I'm strong enough to keep this up even if I once again meet someone that seems great.

Oh and I don't think anyone reads this, but if you do, please don't reply with anything along the lines of "people aren't that bad, don't let a few bad apples spoil the bunch for you". Because I've heard that crap and stuff like it a million times before and it just pisses me off even more since I know its not true. Really people that think that must have lower standards then I do for what it means to be a good person and aren't anyone I'd consider a good person so just save it for someone else who might be stupid enough to believe it.

I'm just so pissed off, on top of that these last few days I've burned just about every meal I've made, including the "homemade" pizza. Which wasn't completely homemade just bought a roll out dough crust and put spaghetti and cheese and stuff on it and cooked it. But still.

At least on the bright side I've adapted very well to being alone. Its really not that hard when you know its better then the alternative. But sometimes, like today the loneliness hits me...still though this is better then the horrible feeling that sits with me for weeks or months after I find out I'm being lied to or being talked bad about behind my back.