I'm in such a bad mood. My birthday is only 2 days away (the 5th) and thats part of it. I'm sure I won't do anything for my birthday, I haven't in years. It just sucks to be turning another year older and still not having found love or even friendship. I've only ever had people in my life who I thought loved me or thought were my friends but they always proved themselves to be jerks eventually. I'm still rather pissed about the last 2 actually...wish I could kill those bastards. Just as I hate all the others, 2 in particular from 2005. But I'd give anything to meet someone...anyone that didn't end up being a jerk, liar or user. But I don't think I ever will. 99.9% of human beings are just horrid :( I'm safer not trying to "win the lottery" and just keeping people at bay like I have been lately, I just hope I'm strong enough to keep this up even if I once again meet someone that seems great.
Oh and I don't think anyone reads this, but if you do, please don't reply with anything along the lines of "people aren't that bad, don't let a few bad apples spoil the bunch for you". Because I've heard that crap and stuff like it a million times before and it just pisses me off even more since I know its not true. Really people that think that must have lower standards then I do for what it means to be a good person and aren't anyone I'd consider a good person so just save it for someone else who might be stupid enough to believe it.
I'm just so pissed off, on top of that these last few days I've burned just about every meal I've made, including the "homemade" pizza. Which wasn't completely homemade just bought a roll out dough crust and put spaghetti and cheese and stuff on it and cooked it. But still.
At least on the bright side I've adapted very well to being alone. Its really not that hard when you know its better then the alternative. But sometimes, like today the loneliness hits me...still though this is better then the horrible feeling that sits with me for weeks or months after I find out I'm being lied to or being talked bad about behind my back.
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I believe that there are good people in this world. But first, let me say this.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your perspective, that 99.9% of all people in this world are "bad". I developed a severe case of PTSD as a result of prolonged physical and verbal abuse at the hands of others in middle school, and as a result, I trust almost nobody other than myself. I will say that I do not, at all, have low standards for what a "good person" is, but they ARE out there, as scarce and few as they may be. Out of all the people that I've met in my life, I've only encountered one that I've considered to be a truly "good person", and that was a devoted monk who was also a voluntary celibate.
I do not blame you for your pessimism, because it is well-placed. It is simply that perhaps 99.9% of all people might be "bad", but certainly not 100%.