Furby

I had a dream again last night about Furby. Its like the 5th or 6th dream I've had of her this year. Like the other ones she was reborn as a kitten in it. In the first few she was a white kitten. In the last 2 she was a black and white kitten. In this last one last night she was a male kitten, black and white, and the smallest in her litter.

I can't help but wonder if theres something to these dreams, like shes trying to send me a message that shes been reborn or will be reborn and wants me to look for her. Shes always unhappy in the dreams at first but then happy when I find her. Its odd because she died 4 or 5 years ago and I've only just been recently (the past 6 months) been having these dreams. I'm worried if they are a message that she's mad or gonna get mad at me for not finding her :( I feel like I should be looking at least but with this damn SA and not having left the house in over 9 months well. I 1. wouldn't know where to look and 2. I have no transpo to go anywhere. 3. my mom is dead set against any cats now. /sigh and 4. Think I'm crazy for believing these dreams could be messages.

Maybe they're really just dreams and nothing to them. But its weird because it usually happens on nights when I haven't really been thinking of her and why now years after her death and why always about her returning as a kitten, why not about her living as she was a grey and white cat? Anyway if they are some kind of message I hope she is born to a litter as a stray very very near my apartment or near my moms work and my mom somehow has a change of heart and brings her home. I just hope I find her if she has been reincarnated already.

Too nice...and regreted it as always :(

I think I'm too nice sometimes. Or I worry too much about making people angry at me. Or maybe a little of both. Yesterday in wow I sat out on the uldaur 10 run. I didn't need any feral gear off the first few bosses (which are all we can down) so I was going to main roll on balance gear (the leader said I could) but we had like 15 people who wanted to go. The leader said my spot was safe because I do really high dps and he was gonna have the 3 lowest dps in the run /roll for which of them got to go. I felt bad and like since my feral gear is already mostly best in slot stuff or near that that I should sit out...so I said to him "i'll roll with them to be fair" and I didn't roll one of the 2 highest so I left raid.

In some ways I feel like I did the right thing but.....its not something I'll ever do again. I didn't even get a damn thank you from the person who got to go in my place. It pisses me off. Ungrateful fucker. And I also missed an achievement :( I didn't know they were gonna do hard mode. And you know what else I'm thinking now? Why should I be so nice to give up MY spot for someone like that and someone that doesn't work very hard to upgrade their gear outside of guild runs. I mean sure I do have awesome gear, I easily do 4k+ dps on fights in there which is over 500 more dps then the next highest...BUT I also got 95% of this gear outside of guild runs. I've worked hard on gearing up and shouldn't be sitting out because of it or feeling like I should sit out. And if I wanna collect balance gear I shouldn't feel bad about it. But I do. /sigh

Anyway on the bright side I organized and led an 8 man os run for the less is more achievement. And the other day I got the heroic safety dance achievement (we cheated and used an exploit lol). Maybe I can remember it for next time I do that boss. Can impress the raid with my awesome skills. Or kill everyone when I fail to remember where exactly the safe spot is lol.

Well, at least my birthday is over.

Well my birthday was yesterday. I was right about not getting anything. :( A few online people wished me a happy birthday though. Didn't do anything for my birthday or the 4th either. I'm not sure why people asked me or why they even ask me what I've been up to lately, I haven't left the house in over 8 months, and that isn't likely to change anytime soon, even if it is my birthday. Anyway I did nax 25 last night and pretty much nothing I needed dropped and the stuff that did I didn't win. Its like god, if there is one doesn't want me to even have 1 little thing. This was the worst birthday ever for sure. And also my father sent me a card....I'm returning to sender as always. Sorry but you didn't wanna be in my life when I was a child so now I don't want to be in yours. Too little, too late, and he needs to take the hint.

Anyway I'm 27 now. I wonder if I can still consider myself to be in mid 20s...when exactly is it that people stop saying mid 20s and start saying late 20s when referring to someones age?

In a Bad Mood

I'm in such a bad mood. My birthday is only 2 days away (the 5th) and thats part of it. I'm sure I won't do anything for my birthday, I haven't in years. It just sucks to be turning another year older and still not having found love or even friendship. I've only ever had people in my life who I thought loved me or thought were my friends but they always proved themselves to be jerks eventually. I'm still rather pissed about the last 2 actually...wish I could kill those bastards. Just as I hate all the others, 2 in particular from 2005. But I'd give anything to meet someone...anyone that didn't end up being a jerk, liar or user. But I don't think I ever will. 99.9% of human beings are just horrid :( I'm safer not trying to "win the lottery" and just keeping people at bay like I have been lately, I just hope I'm strong enough to keep this up even if I once again meet someone that seems great.

Oh and I don't think anyone reads this, but if you do, please don't reply with anything along the lines of "people aren't that bad, don't let a few bad apples spoil the bunch for you". Because I've heard that crap and stuff like it a million times before and it just pisses me off even more since I know its not true. Really people that think that must have lower standards then I do for what it means to be a good person and aren't anyone I'd consider a good person so just save it for someone else who might be stupid enough to believe it.

I'm just so pissed off, on top of that these last few days I've burned just about every meal I've made, including the "homemade" pizza. Which wasn't completely homemade just bought a roll out dough crust and put spaghetti and cheese and stuff on it and cooked it. But still.

At least on the bright side I've adapted very well to being alone. Its really not that hard when you know its better then the alternative. But sometimes, like today the loneliness hits me...still though this is better then the horrible feeling that sits with me for weeks or months after I find out I'm being lied to or being talked bad about behind my back.

Michael Jackson, those poor kids of his

My life is dull as usual but I just felt like writing some about this Michael Jackson fiasco on TV. Since the media is covering it 24/7 not that I care that much but I'm forced to watch it since my mom has the tv on. And those kids...they look nothing like him, though I think the youngest looks kinda like MJ after he became white lol. But yea those kids definitely don't have an ounce of african american in them. And I'm sure dna tests will be done on them and that the results will be all over the media. I feel bad for those kids actually. As if having MJ as a father wasn't bad enough, now it looks like either the mother that pretty much said she was just a vessel for MJ to have kids or the grandfather that beat MJ as a kid and seems to not care of his sons death will get them. And Joe Jackson has no class, he was plugging his record company in the interview, as well as his reply to how are you doing? "I'm great" who the hell says "I'm great" just a few mere days after their sons death??! He probably was great though...I mean he probably though he was due to inherit at least a couple mill. So funny that he got left out of the will. I believe in nurture over nature and MJ was definitely the way he was because of the beatings his father bestowed upon him as a child. Those kids should really go to some anonymous foster family who doesn't know who they are (though I realize that is probably impossible now due to media flashing their pics all over). Neither Debbie nor MJs parents are fit to raise them.

Anyway in other news like I said not much is going on with me lately but I did get my 2 piece 8.5 now in WOW, so I think now I'm gonna be mostly running stuff as balance as my balance gear needs lots of work and in my feral gear I already do over 3k dps.

People Suck But As Long As I Have WOW I'm Happy

We did do all bosses in nax 25 that week :) Only we couldn't get kel down on Saturday so at my suggestion the raid leader made a raid for the next day and we got him then. 2 of the pally helms dropped. And our guild leader/raid leader who was supposed to be master looting the run forgot to put master loot on. So he told everyone who could use it to just need on it. The same person (a pally)won both helms. So they had people reroll for the 1 and told him to send a gm ticket in explaining what happened and asking them to give 1 of the helms to that person. I don't think a gm would correct something like that but hopefully they did. I still don't know if the gm did or not though hope they did.

We were gonna do first few bosses in uldaur 25 this week, but we didn't have enough people on. Have alot of people away this week. So we did black temple instead for the achievement, was nice to finally do that place was my first time ever in there.

I'm able to talk on ts much easier now. I even had an hour long conversation with someone from the guild 1-1 yesterday. Luckily they were pretty talkative cause a few times I didn't know what to say. We talked about wow of course, thats the 1 and only subject I seem to be able to have a conversation about. But I still haven't talked to anyone outside of guild on it. Not that I group outside of guild much anymore anyway, for some reason that other guild I was running with hasn't contacted me to run anything, except nax 10 last week which they kinda talked me into going on but then they got guildys on and said it would be best if I left if I wanted a full clear that week cause they didn't know if or when they would finish it. And they contacted me to run voa 10 man but I think that was just because I was in the lfg queue for it. Haven't contacted me to run uldar or OS or Nax or anything like they used to. Maybe they just assume I'll be running with guild from now on. Or maybe they think I suck now. Whatever. Its ok though I wasn't expecting things to last with them anyway, in and out of wow all my relationships tend to either fade away or burn out. I just hope that doesn't happen with my guild for a long time.

Actually I pugged nax 25 since guild isn't running it this week. I said like 1 word on the vent through the whole thing lol, other then that I been typing. The pug went better then most of my guild runs too heh. We even almost got the acrophobia achivment but missed timer by like 15 seconds. And best of all I finally got my tier 7.5 helm :D woot! :D

I got the world explorer title the other day, and also got 30 factions to exalted. Now to work on getting the loremaster title, can't believe I have the seeker title (title for completing 3000 quests) yet I haven't done enough old world quests for the loremaster title yet. I'm such an achievement junkie. Some people are alt aholics or raiders, or pvpers, before the achievement system I probably drifted between all of the above but now I'm definatly most focaused on getting the achievements done. I guess maybe because getting the achievements makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something? There are still over 50 people higher in achievement score on the realm though. But my goal is to eventually be number 1 on the realm, it probably won't happen though because theres alot of arena and raiding achievements I'll probably never be able to get so thats a loss of alot of potential points just there. But hey, its not like I have a life so I mine as well try lol.

Got a new tv =) flatscreen, 32 inch I think. Takes some getting used to but I already like it better then our old 25 inch, and since its 1 of the newer tvs we didn't need to buy anything for when the signal switches over(or did it already switch over, I haven't watched tv in over a week.) Also got a new chair. Yay for moms income tax money lol.

I had a dream the other night about Furby I dreamt that she was reincarnated as a white kitten that meowed alot and that she was at the spca and people kept returning her because she was so noisy. I actually went to their website to check for white kittens too but their were none, I checked petfinder too and couldn't find any local ones. I know it was probably just a dream but I do believe in reincarnation and so can't help but wonder if its true. I still miss her to this day too, I miss all the cats I've had that are no longer with me :( But her most of all. I hope if she is reincarnated that she somehow finds her way to me. But my mom is such a bitch, she won't let me get another cat. :(

I found out my last ex is engaged now. Ugh. Unlike other people I defiantly don't want my ex to be happy. Why would I? We're exes for a reason, he treated me like crap when we were together. I defiantly don't want him back, but I don't want him to be happy, he doesn't deserve happiness. Hopefully she'll cheat on him like I suspect he was doing to me :D Actually it seems like most of the people who screwed me over in life are doing pretty well for themselves. So much for karma :( And no, I don't still talk to any of them, I hate them all. So you're probably wondering how I know they're doing well then. Well I google them and look them up on myspace and things like that. I can be quite the stalker :P I guess I'm one of those "crazy" people other people think are fucked in the head. Cause I not only do that, I do it quite often, like once a week per person I look for new info online on them, plus I like to get revenge on people when they hurt me and I'm also rather clingy when I like someone alot. I honestly don't understand why any of the above are bad things though. In a better society revenge would be seen as a good thing, a way of standing up for one self when somebody hurts you. And clingyness would be seen as a good thing too, after all if you love somebody why in the world wouldn't you want to spend the majority of your time with them? As for the stalking well if you were once close to someone I can't see why you should or would just forget them, even if you hate them now wouldn't you still want to know how they're doing? Its never made much sense to me why most people see all of the 3 above things the way they do, my views on them make so much more sense. I guess I just don't understand people. Anyway in spite of that I'm not at all sadded by it cause I'm long over him it just makes me angry because I know he's a horrible person.

Anxiety breakthrough :D

I talked on vent for the first time ever! I'm so proud of myself. I know it doesn't sound like much to most people, but for me who has really bad social anxiety its a major accomplishment. I'm quiet on it most of the time though, but I don't think thats necessarily a bad thing, better then people that talk over each other (and we get that some in this guild). I must sound young though because someone asked me how old I am(in whisper). I hate the way my voice sounds. The day after I first talked on it I actually spent all night worrying about how I sounded and if what I said was stupid or whatnot. But still I'm glad I did...I feel like its a huge accomplishment for me, and I know it will get easier to talk on it as time goes by. And last night I actually had a hour or so long conversation with some guildys even after the raid ended. Wow. I never thought I'd be able to do that.

In less happy news, my net was out for like 5 hours the other night. I called and they had a prerecording up saying it was scheduled maintenance. I was like wtf. I mean really...if the internet is gonna be out and they know it, why no damn warning in advance. I missed doing all my 25 dailys in wow that day because of that bullcrap.

The other night we came so close to getting the spore loser achievement on 10 man. But as always someone ruined it. This time it was the offtank (who is a great guy, but his player skills not so great). He used his army of the dead near the end! Ugh. What part of no aoe can't these people understand, the gm only said it about 10 times "no aoe don't kill the spores".

I know I complain alot about my guild, I guess I tend to focus more on the negative then the positive. But really its not so bad, actually I'd say this is the best guild I've ever been in (not that thats saying much lol) but yea, its a pretty good guild. They're all pretty nice and fair to me, and thats whats really important. It shouldn't bug me so much that some people in it aren't very good at the game, but it does. Anyway I got like 4 new pieces of gear this week. So I needed some enchantments on them obviously...well my guild was awesome cause I didn't have to spend a cent on the enchants or mats...guild bank and guildys provided it all for me :) I'm really grateful for that...though I feel a little guilty now because I used up quite a good portion of the enchanting mats in bank. They're also the only guild I've ever felt comfortable enough to talk on vent with. Or only people rather. I never even felt comfortable enough to talk to Rich on vent, and I really really liked him.

Also I think we may just clear the rest of nax 25 tonight (keeping my fingers crossed!) we did better then ever last night and went further in 1 night then we ever had before. Good thing I suggested doing construct wing and the first boss of dk wing after spider wing that night, otherwise we would've done both easy wings that night instead and thats how we usually do it and then the next night we spend hours wiping on the last boss in construct and bosses in dk wing (especially the first boss in dk). So now tonight we got 1 easy wing left and the bosses in the dk wing (cept for the first 1). Our dps was also better then ever tonight and for the first time ever I wasn't num 1 on the meter at the end of the night. They think we can get to KT tonight for the first time ever on 25 man as a guild and I hope they're right. Can't wait to see. Gonna go eat my yummy dinner of meatloaf and baked potatos then it should be just about time for the raid. Hope we get KT tonight!