Quit My Guild

I quit my guild 2 days ago. Reason I quit was because one of the raid leaders, I'll call him O for obnoxious was being a total jerk to me.

Basically we got into this huge argument of which he started supposedly just because I brought up privately to him during the run that someone elses dps was too low for the run. I'll call the player whose dps was too low B for baddie. I only brought it up because in the beginning of the run he was gonna have me and a few other dps roll for a spot against this player.

Also he had this 1 player, whose dps is on par with mine as balance be exempt from rolling. My gear score was actually higher then this person that was being exempt from rolling. So I mentioned in raid "how come A isn't having to roll...my gear score is higher then his" Because it wasn't fair. So then after a bunch of quiet and waiting a while he said "A do you mind rolling?" A didn't wanna roll but he had all the dps roll anyway. A, B and me rolled highest and so got to stay. the 2 other dps were O and another raid leader that were also of course both exempt from rolling, even though we only needed 1 raid leader especially since it was a 10 man.

I noticed during the run B's dps was rather low, lower then the tanks even. This player B, I have grouped with him in raids before and his dps is always this bad. He doesn't play his spec well and he also still has 3 or 4 blues, which you should have betetr then if you wanna do uldaur. I mentioned it to the raid leader during the raid because I figured he must not know or have realized this otherwise he would've had this person sit out rather then roll for a spot with us. But he did know and he got mad and said something like "Don't bring that crap up to me". Then I was like "....." And he said "I watch recount too." So I'm thinking to myself, if thats true then why wasn't this person made to sit out. Since you claim to chose who gets to go by their gear and dps. But I didn't say anything then.

After the run O whispered me and was like "Are you busy, can I talk to you for a minute?" I was trying to get a run going for some heroics so I said "sure I'm just trying to find a group for some heroics" Then he's like "well can you wait I'd like to talk to you". I agreed, which I wish I hadn't. Because it turned into over an hour of arguing with him and resulted in me quitting the guild.

I don't know why the hell he had such an over reaction to me saying everyone should roll or to me pointing out to him B's low dps. But he flew off the handle. He basically told me that my dps wasn't that good either (which I'll admit it wasn't that great but it wasn't below the others by more then 1%...B's was below the others by more then 5% and below the tanks as well.) I said to him well I kept up on dps with the others I wasn't that far behind, nothing like B's and plus I still have some 10 man nax gear". Then he goes well if you still have 10 man gear you shouldn't be in uldaur...I'm like well if I can keep up with the other people who are in 25 man gear why not shouldn't I, skill should count for something. Then I'm like well my dps and gear score are both higher then B's, I was just saying if you're gonna go by gear scores like you had said you were doing then why was he allowed to roll with us and also why was at first A exempt from having to roll when A's score and dps are both unpar with mine and in fact A's gear score is lower then mine. O also said "I shouldn't have changed it and had A roll that was my mistake" I was like "wtf" And told him if A doesn't have to roll I find that unfair.

Basically he argued with me for over an hour and he was more stubborn then a mule and I couldn't get him to see how unfair he was being and that he was blowing everything way out of proportion. I can't even remember everything he said to me...he was a huge jerk though.

He also kept insisting my gearscore was lower then it was. I kept saying thats not right I must be in pvp gear or something. So he fucking invited me to a group and made me come to where he was and inspected each piece I had on and insisted it was right. Then like 10 minutes later he goes "oh my bad I didn't realize you had a lance on in the wow-heros profile so I'll add 213 to your score". I said I told you it was higher. He said well you said you were in pvp gear. I'm like no I said maybe I was, I just knew it wasn't right. Geez maybe he could've at least reloaded the damn page when I said it was wrong because I was on the more current one of it which was my correct score, I know because I reloaded it myself. Fucking moron.

He also accused me of being selfish when I said well since my feral dps is so higher I could go as feral and still roll main on balance. (I was trying to work out a compromise with this SOB). Then he said I was being selfish for wanting to gear up 2 dps specs. And that I was already geared very well as feral and it was selfish to gear up another dps spec. I was so pissed off when he said that that I couldn't think of that great of a response. Now yes my feral dps is alot more then my balance dps but my feral dps is also alot more then anyone else in the guilds dps. Usually its over 2% more then the next highest person! As feral I'm num 1 in nearly every fight. When I'm not num 1 its because I either died or was busy with non dps stuff like add duty or trying to find someone that died and rez them or backup healing. So basically as feral I was fucking carrying all of them. So he should talk.

He also said that I would be taking away from other people who needed the gear. Now yes I am geared as feral but 95% of my feral gear I got from non guild runs. 90% or more of the rest of the guild doesn't even try to gear up outside of guild runs. If we don't do a guild nax 25 for the week they just don't go, and 99% of them never do voa. So it's not like I took gear from the other players as feral and then decided to roll for balance stuff. And even with my balance gear I have geared up 95% or wait more like 99% for that on non guild runs. I still have like 4 10 man things for balance (rings and trinkets)but I've filled out every other thing from pug runs. So for him to act like I'm being selfish is laughable. Also he has an alt that he runs with and is gearing that up on guild runs at times. So what about the gear he is taking away from the people who would need it for their mains huh? What a hypocrite!

Then he started going off topic talking crap about me and saying I had a poor attitude and needed to let things go. I'm like wtf...you're the one that started this exchange, I had no intention of saying a thing after the run. He said crap about how I annoy people by always asking if we can do achievements. I said "I only ask once and I don't push it when people say no". He said "Well if a raid leader thinks we can do it he'll bring it up and you acted upset when we said no to the 4 horsemen achievement" I said "umm no I didn't I just said "aww :(" I was disappointed not upset" And I told him he and whoever else had a problem with me suggesting we try for achievements needed to lighten the fuck up. (I left the fuck part out lol). And he told me I needed to drop it then! I'm like wtf dude you're the one that brought it up it don't upset me if we don't try them. I also told him that if I didn't suggest it we wouldn't have learned how to do flame levi the easy way. He had the nerve to suggest that he didn't try it because of my suggestion but because he learned that from the other guild he was running with a few weeks ago! I was like well funny then that you learned it long before we started uldaur yet you never tried it until the day I suggested it. If he knew it was the easier way before I suggested it then he would've tried it before then. Fucking liar just trying to save face.

He also mentioned about how I don't wanna go on runs unless we try the achivments. Which is true for 5 mans. But so the fuck what, theres plenty of other people who need emblems from 5 mans that are willing to go...I don't need emblems. And I've been trying forever to get guild runs for heroic achievement runs, yet nobody ever is willing to help me with them. Yet I'm expected to help them with their heroic runs when they won't even attempt the achievements for me?? I've been trying for months now to find people to help me get these achievements done. I wanted the damn mount but no one cared. The mount will probably be removed soon too, the raiding achievement one was removed already. Then he said "well you do it for 10 mans too" Anyway I told him if I was needed I'd have gone on those runs but if theres alot of people wanting to go and we're not trying for achievements then I sit out. It makes fucking sense that someone else that needs gear should go instead of me if they're not doing the achievements.

Anyway the only person he mentioned specifically other then himself as being upset was another raid leader. Who I know was immature enough once to open a fake portal over the wintergrasp one which tricked a few people, me included into taking it and ending up in fucking dustmallow marsh.

And speaking of sitting out, I actually sat out on last weeks run. So that others wouldn't have to...think I mentioned that before. Actually it might've been 2 weeks ago since last week I don't think we did uldaur 10. But anyway I sat out on last guild uldaur 10 run. So would think that it would mean that this week I got to go. But noooooooo I still had to roll for a spot. O asked if anyone was willing to sit out too and nobody said a thing. Selfish SOBs, I would've offered to myself if I hadn't sat out last run. And I never even got a thank you from the person that got to go because of me sitting out last week either. Such rude, selfish people. Like every fucking other person out there.

Eventually I realized it was pointless arguing with him. I tried to close the conversation but then he's like "you can't go as balance on my runs anymore." Which he'd also said a few other times in the conversation. I kept saying I'm fine with going as balance and rolling with the people who are similar to my dps/gear as balance for a spot, so long as you're fair and people like A who have lower gear scores and similar dps to me aren't exempt from rolling". But he didn't care he told me I was going as balance and that was that. I couldn't change his mind or make him see how wrong or unfair he was being and the whole exchange was giving me a huge headache. So I just explained what happened in guild. Basically I said "ok O is telling me I can't go on runs anymore as balance so I don't think this is the right guild for me anymore, good luck all." Then I guild quit before anyone really said anything except saw O say "thats correct" before I quit.

Got a bunch of tells after I quit. People seemed sad. I explained it to them the best I could. Got another one today too. The GM and none of the officers sent me any though...guess they most likely agree with O. :(

I'm worried now that he twisted the story to make me look bad. He was definatly the one in the wrong...but people like him, they're good at convincing others they're in the right.

Old PM's Depress Me

Cleaned out my PM box on a forum. Can't believe it was almost full. It was only sent pm's though that I deleted and don't think it was all of them. The board lost the other pm's about a year ago when they switched owners and whatever and somehow these pm's I sent got put in my inbox upon the switch. It would've been nice to read the ones people actually sent to me again before I lost those though. Anyway I don't think it was even all my sent pm's because I'm sure I sent much more then that. But nonetheless it was interesting to read them. I'm sad to say that I don't even remember most of the people I was pm'ing with back then. Did searches on the forums for them, only one is still around and they're using a new name. But of course the others could still be around on new names too and just not have said who they used to be.

Anyway they have this thing on the forum now where you can just click a check box next to each PM and download them to a text file so I did that because I really hate throwing stuff away even online. I never delete emails or anything like that unless I have no choice but to. But I still don't have alot of my old emails and stuff because I used to have webtv and use their email and then when they terminated it for non payment I lost everything. Wish I'd forwarded them all to another account but I guess now it would've been a waste if I had as at the time all I'd had for second accounts was yahoo and hotmail and I stupidly went 6 months without signing into both years later and lost everything. I thought my mom would eventually be able to pay that webtv bill though and get it back, never happened though LOL.

Anyway I rarely go back and read stuff because it always depresses me, but its still nice to have the option to. It felt weird seeing stuff I'd written from as far back as 2003-2005, things were very different for me then. Felt kinda depressed when I read one where I said I'd met this great guy online (my last ex) and how I was so happy. And other one where I was apologizing to this one person for not being on IM when I said I would be because my friend came over. Its somewhat hard for me to believe that I once had somewhat of a life. And I can't believe I don't even remember the person I was sending those pm's too, they seemed like someone I'd been knowing online for a while.

Speaking of keeping stuff, I wanna delete my myspace but I don't wanna lose all the messages from my sister that I have saved on there (we communicated though myspace not email) Anyway I could just copy and paste them to word pad and save but meh seems too much trouble. I just wanna delete my myspace so that she can't ever contact me again.....well that and so no one I used to know can find me. I changed it so my real name shouldn't bring up my myspace but for some reason on social networking search sites my profile still comes up when I search my name. Ugh. And yes I search myself, I'm one of my favorite people to stalk LOL, well not really I just wanna make sure no ones saying bad stuff about me.

Anyway speaking of pm's whats with some people. This one person the other day got upset with me because I took long to reply back to a pm. Well long in his opinion. It had only been a day and he pm'd me again saying something about he didn't get why I seemed uninterested. I told him I'm not too good with pm's or email and gave him my msn so we could chat in real time. Then he replied back and seemed to be all upset at me saying how he wasn't good with real time chat and when he heard I liked cats he thought it'd be fun pm'ing me and that since I had SA I'd be like him and be better at emails/pm's and that it was rather disappointing. Anyway I replied back and explained to him that I am better at im's because I overthink emails/pm's, IM's on the other hand don't give me as long to think and in my case the more I think the more I put off replying so I'm better with IMs. Since he didn't seem interested in pming me unless I replied quicker I told him to let me know if he changed his mind about IMing. He pm'd me back today saying "sorry to have disturbed you and caused you so much stress, take care." which kinda pissed me off because he didn't really cause me any stress he just annoyed me and from his previous replies I'd say he was the one stressed over it. Anyway the last time I was hoping someone awesome had pm'd me and wanted to chat was annoying for it just to be that...now that is disappointing. I just replied back "ditto" lol.

But anyway I don't mind pm'ing or email really it just takes me a few days to reply...but if people are gonna expect quicker replies and be upset when they don't get them they really need to swallow their fears and start using an instant messaging program. But besides that heres part of what I said in my post where I was looking for friends:

"I'd prefer someone good at 1-1 conversation...most of the time with people I feel I'm carrying the whole conversation. But I need someone that doesn't mind if I take a few minutes to reply at times, because I usually am playing wow while on IM lol. Anyway even if you aren't good at conversation its ok. I use msn messenger and don't have aim or yahoo"

So I sure don't know how this person came to the conclusion that I was looking more for email/pm friends then people to chat with. Of course maybe they contacted me because they knew I liked cats and they never saw that post...but then they said in their pm that they thought I was looking for people to talk to so I don't know.

Heh theres actually a topic on the forums about over analyzing things...thats so me. This really doesn't matter that much but I tend to over analyze everything I do that has some form of social action.

I want everyone to be miserable hehe

So found out my last ex quit his guild of which he was the gm of and quit wow too. He also deleted his twitters, both his guilds and his own along with deleting his guilds website. His own website is still up though. He doesn't mention quitting his guild or why he quit but it shows his last few twitter updates on there and his last one said that he was helping his fiancee move in tomorrow and there was no longer anything about him playing wow on his site under where it said interests. Sigh bet that he quit because he was finally bored of wow and wanted to spend more time with her. Was hoping he quit because he had a falling out with his guildys. Well guess I'll never know what happened. Anyway I checked his realm forums and his guild is recruiting with a new guild website up now. I really really hope he had a falling out with them. Also hope his relationship with his fiancee crumbles before they get married. Would be so awesome if he ended up completely miserable. I found out through googling his sn name months ago that he was with a different girl before her and very shortly after him and I broke up. They had an online relationship for a while then he moved to be with her, he met her first online in wow. It was probably the girl I was soooo jealous of when him and I were together because he always chose to group with her over me in wow. She dumped him a few months after he moved to be with her, reading that made me soooo happy. Karma :D hehehe. And hopefully this relationship now won't last either. I want him to be alone and miserable and regret mistreating me because I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he'll never find anyone as awesome as me again. No I'd never take him back I just don't want him, or anybody who treated me badly before to be happy. Other peoples misery, especially that of people who hurt me before thrills me to no end, makes me giddy :D Was also happy when I found out before my best friend that I knew since childhood broke up with his bf and when I ruined one of his friendships years after I found out about all the lies (think I wrote about him in the beginning of my diary):D Anyway I was even happy when I found out someone online who had been rude to me before broke up with her bf, or rather he broke up with her and was rather mean to her. Even though I've talked to her bf before and know he's worse then her so I'm hoping he's miserable too. Anyway I love it when bad things happen to bad people lol...and since most people are bad that means I usually love when bad things happen to people.

Anyway speaking of people...one of my online friends told me last night that he cut off contact with a girl he met online and met in person a few times because he didn't see the point in being friends with someone he didn't see in person. So I was like am I next then and he said "Maybe but you have SA too so maybe not." So I was all quiet after that and now I'm not sure what to do, thinking maybe I should cut him off first. Not that it matters a ton to me cause its not someone I got really close to but still whenever something like that happens my feelings are always hurt a little.

In a Bad Mood

I'm in such a bad mood. My birthday is only 2 days away (the 5th) and thats part of it. I'm sure I won't do anything for my birthday, I haven't in years. It just sucks to be turning another year older and still not having found love or even friendship. I've only ever had people in my life who I thought loved me or thought were my friends but they always proved themselves to be jerks eventually. I'm still rather pissed about the last 2 actually...wish I could kill those bastards. Just as I hate all the others, 2 in particular from 2005. But I'd give anything to meet someone...anyone that didn't end up being a jerk, liar or user. But I don't think I ever will. 99.9% of human beings are just horrid :( I'm safer not trying to "win the lottery" and just keeping people at bay like I have been lately, I just hope I'm strong enough to keep this up even if I once again meet someone that seems great.

Oh and I don't think anyone reads this, but if you do, please don't reply with anything along the lines of "people aren't that bad, don't let a few bad apples spoil the bunch for you". Because I've heard that crap and stuff like it a million times before and it just pisses me off even more since I know its not true. Really people that think that must have lower standards then I do for what it means to be a good person and aren't anyone I'd consider a good person so just save it for someone else who might be stupid enough to believe it.

I'm just so pissed off, on top of that these last few days I've burned just about every meal I've made, including the "homemade" pizza. Which wasn't completely homemade just bought a roll out dough crust and put spaghetti and cheese and stuff on it and cooked it. But still.

At least on the bright side I've adapted very well to being alone. Its really not that hard when you know its better then the alternative. But sometimes, like today the loneliness hits me...still though this is better then the horrible feeling that sits with me for weeks or months after I find out I'm being lied to or being talked bad about behind my back.