Well, at least my birthday is over.

Well my birthday was yesterday. I was right about not getting anything. :( A few online people wished me a happy birthday though. Didn't do anything for my birthday or the 4th either. I'm not sure why people asked me or why they even ask me what I've been up to lately, I haven't left the house in over 8 months, and that isn't likely to change anytime soon, even if it is my birthday. Anyway I did nax 25 last night and pretty much nothing I needed dropped and the stuff that did I didn't win. Its like god, if there is one doesn't want me to even have 1 little thing. This was the worst birthday ever for sure. And also my father sent me a card....I'm returning to sender as always. Sorry but you didn't wanna be in my life when I was a child so now I don't want to be in yours. Too little, too late, and he needs to take the hint.

Anyway I'm 27 now. I wonder if I can still consider myself to be in mid 20s...when exactly is it that people stop saying mid 20s and start saying late 20s when referring to someones age?

In a Bad Mood

I'm in such a bad mood. My birthday is only 2 days away (the 5th) and thats part of it. I'm sure I won't do anything for my birthday, I haven't in years. It just sucks to be turning another year older and still not having found love or even friendship. I've only ever had people in my life who I thought loved me or thought were my friends but they always proved themselves to be jerks eventually. I'm still rather pissed about the last 2 actually...wish I could kill those bastards. Just as I hate all the others, 2 in particular from 2005. But I'd give anything to meet someone...anyone that didn't end up being a jerk, liar or user. But I don't think I ever will. 99.9% of human beings are just horrid :( I'm safer not trying to "win the lottery" and just keeping people at bay like I have been lately, I just hope I'm strong enough to keep this up even if I once again meet someone that seems great.

Oh and I don't think anyone reads this, but if you do, please don't reply with anything along the lines of "people aren't that bad, don't let a few bad apples spoil the bunch for you". Because I've heard that crap and stuff like it a million times before and it just pisses me off even more since I know its not true. Really people that think that must have lower standards then I do for what it means to be a good person and aren't anyone I'd consider a good person so just save it for someone else who might be stupid enough to believe it.

I'm just so pissed off, on top of that these last few days I've burned just about every meal I've made, including the "homemade" pizza. Which wasn't completely homemade just bought a roll out dough crust and put spaghetti and cheese and stuff on it and cooked it. But still.

At least on the bright side I've adapted very well to being alone. Its really not that hard when you know its better then the alternative. But sometimes, like today the loneliness hits me...still though this is better then the horrible feeling that sits with me for weeks or months after I find out I'm being lied to or being talked bad about behind my back.